Hygiene is one of the most neglected things you will probably not come across while on the road. Although kurt cobain made a killing even after his death by being one of the most non-hygienetic people on the face of the planet, dont think he didnt have a wardrobe manager who carefully rolled his jeans in sanitized mud, and micromanaged every single tear in his shreaded jeans. Yes kids, hygiene is important, although neglecting it for a little while is ok too. But heres some tips from me, and things I have found that help keep you clean, and smelling fresh like a lemon and not like a dumpster while on the road.


These pearly whites (or yellows in some cases) keep all non drinkable food you come accross from being wasted. When youre hungry and all you find are apples, and chicken legs, gumming these bad boys wont provide you with the nessicary nutrition your body demands. There fore keep your teeth in good condition so they still work when you need them to. There are a few ways you can do this. Sure a toothbrush is a good idea, but be careful not to get one that is to hard. You can actually help deteriorate your teeth by brushing with to hard of a brush which erodes enamel and is like taking a wire brush to a pastel painting. Toothpastes can also be harmful, as many of them are filled with sugar to keep you comming back for more. Be weary of sugar filled toothpaste, and actually as redneck as it sounds, the best thing you can use when you dont have toothpaste is baking soda. Dab a bit on your toothbrush and away you go. Flossing is a good idea, but lets face it, even those of us lucky enough to have a home with floss in our bathroom patiently sitting next to our toothbrushes, rarely do it. Toothpicks are a good way to go, and for the rest of the crud in your inbetweens, mouth wash is a good idea as well. And hey if you drink, you can swallow it. Thats what people used to do in the old days to have fresh breath. No its not dangerous, unless you do it all the time. For those times when you dont have access to a toothbrush, and many of us dont, I have found towels and paper towels can double as a toothbrush, simply take some in your hand ball it up, and brush your teeth with it, you will notice a huge difference. The fur will be gone, i promise.

Other ways to keep your mouth in tip top shape are; tea, if it wernt for tea, the brittish wouldnt have any teeth at all. Tea is extreamely good for your gums, and should be consumed as often as possible, as its not only good for your mouth but your whole body and make sure its not sugared down, cheese, as soon as cheese is placed in the mouth, it corrects the ph balance, and promotes healthy bacteria which fight off bad bacteria, and hey cheese tastes good too! Sugar free gum is an excellent way to fight bad gums and teeth, as it produces saliva the bodies natural cavity fighting solution, plus it brakes down food and crud stuck in and on your teeth, and helps keep them from turning your teeth into abandon parking lots.

washing your body, see the chapter on showers. just make sure you get all the smelly areas, pits, feet, cracks, face, and you will be fine.

washing your clothes. see the chapter on laundrymats.

The crapper.
Always always always if you use a public bathroom, wipe the seat down with a handful of toilet paper first, then give a courtesy flush to let all those people germs wash away incase of splashback. if youre really germaphobic, layer the seat with two ply toilet paper, and double it over if you like, toilet paper is free, and all the waste you are not producing living carefree and homeless, you deserve to waste a few extra squares of toilet paper fighting butt germs.is there anything im leaving out?



Of course there is lots of food out there that doesnt need to be cooked to be consumed, but when cooking is either vital or just makes your meal taste that much better, having a method to cook your food comes in handy.

zipl0ck baggies seal heat in, and if you place it on say the dashboard of your car in the sun for a hour or two, your food will be piping hot and ready to eat in the military they actually cook food on the radiatior of a just recently driven humvee, i dont know if my radiator would cook my food, but some tin foil, and a few blocks of driving might do the trick.

most convienece stores and gas stations have microwaves. They are all over the place if you look for them.

If you can get away with it, build a fire. it will keep you warm, as well as cook your food. Trust me, sometimes you are goinng to want to overcook your food before you eat it. Especially if you swipe it off a table someplace.

friend..."It is easy to make a temporary stove out of tin cans. You can use anything from gleaned paper and small sticks to sterno, or candles to make heat. There are even small fold up stoves on http://www.sportsmanguide.com for under 20 bucks if you want something to have for a longer period of time, but tin cans are everywhere." - Judith756

friend..."Candle stoves are pretty easy. Take a large tin can or coffee can and poke a bunch of holes in the sides. Then nail three or four long nails through the bottom (so that the pointy ends are inside the can) and spear some long emergency candles onto them. Light the candles and place your bowl or pan or whatever on top of the can. The holes in the sides will provide the flames with oxygen. This takes a really long time to cook with, but it'll do in a pinch." - hellparadiso


No, not what beans give you. Gas. Its probably the most expensive thing you will need to find along the way.There used to be a method of collecting small amounts of gas from shut off hoses at local gas stations, (and probably still are in small towns) You just squeeze the pump, and out comes some excess gas that had been trapped in the pipes since it was shut off. I have tried this to no avail, but who knows.

Once in a while you can find gas, but be careful its not kerosene or something mixed with gas. I found a 5 gallon gas tank full once in a parking lot. Apparently someone put it down then drove off. More for me.

You can siphin gas, but this is technically stealing. So its up to your morals. You insert a tube preferrably plastic into anothers gas tank, and suck on it till gas starts spouting out. Put the tube in a bucket or your tank, and fill till both are equal. (got this from abbie hoffman, but have never tried it)

Apparently you can just ask people for gas. I haven't tried it yet, but soon i may have to, i heard from a friend all you have to do is approach people at gas stations tell them you are trying to get back to someplace, (insert sob story) and they will give you gas. Said he made a roundtrip cross country vacation out of free gas.

friend..."go to a chuch, say you ran out of gas down the street and you have no money. my church has special coins they give out for the gas station down the street, so that they know your only getting gas. try it.

hell, they will probally feed you too." - phortyzz

Im offerring rideshares all over the country. I call it my long distance taxi service. I base my destinations on where other people want to go, and make due when I get there. This saves me a ton on gas money as i make them pay for it, or most of it, i make new friends, they get where they need to go, and for cheeper than a bus train plane etc. and in better company. Try offering rideshares where you are headed. Not only does this save you money on gas but its better for the environment, by carpooling.

Where ive been so far, Where you are currently.

create your own visited states map

Hmm, lets see.

Ive been to... and it was...

Florida. Born and raised till i was 18, and wisked away by the military. Central Florida is mundane, perhaps im jaded due in part to havinng been born there. But other than a semi-tropical climate, old people dying like flies, and humidity that would put a pimple on Michael Jacksons plastic face, central florida is pretty dead. Daytona bch, famous for Nascar, and driving on the beach, is filthy, but i have a lot of fond memories there, some with my entire faimly some with my sister, and skipping school with her, some with my brother, whom i havent heard from in a long time. But wish he would find us again. Orlando with its flashey roller coasters, and water parks which would always clear out durring the frequent thunderstorms and we would stay behind and wait it out, and ride times were sliced, and we would run up and slide down faster than light. or pee in the lazy river. (you cant help it, they dont call it lazy river for nothing) South Florida, where my sister lives, is full of half naked women, turquoise beaches, 100,000$ cars, night clubs, and nothing that really interests me except wild iguanas and cuban anoles. St Augistine is old, and spanish, and the rest of florida is pretty much the same as GA

S.Korea. and it was eye opening, poor, cordial, and the people would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it, even though they had nothing. The DMZ was a joke, like being in a movie from the 50's. I got spit on by a college student for being an American there, as they are not fond of being occupied, and Americans tend to look down upon Koreans, even mock them quite frequently. I spent a year in S. Korea, and it changed my life. I remember when i came back home American greed, and obesity really struck a nerve with me and i decided I wasnt goinng to be that type of person. I became anti-war, anti-corporation, anti- alot of things really. I suppose I was to some extent before, but not like this.

Georgia. With its laid back atmosphere, and front porch rocking chair townsfolk is wonderful. Syrupee sweet tea is drank like water, and the summer nights are filled with musky air, starry skys, and millions of critters sinnging the blues. I do love hot GA summer nights. Savannah is a great place. Atlanta, not so much.

South Carolina is heading backwords in time, with its rediculous ledgislature, (like how i spell redickulous ledgislature) plenty of segrigation, and stupid cops, and homophobia. The only reason i went to SC was to hang out with friends in the capitol which appropriately flew a rebal flag over the courthouse. I got frisked by a douschebag cop walking with the african americas at the MLK day parade, cause they thought i was gonna start some shit, wearing a peace sign. Go figure.

NC is beautiful, camped out in the Mts, on the blue ridge pkwy, saw a car drive over the cliff one foggy summer night, swam in the clear freezing white waters, visited the hippie comune bubble known as ashville, where everyone is a freak, and if yourew not, youre not welcome. I love the mts.

Pensylvania smells like cow farts, and pig farms, but its super green. everytime i go there the grass is the greenest i have ever seen, i think its all the manuer.

The virginias are prety much the same, west is a bit more yankee, regular is a bit more flat, and the cops in regular virginia are sticklers. Dont speed through there like i did and have to go to court. Its a pain in the ass. These two states are nestled in the middle of the appalachian trail, harpers ferry where john brown took slavery into his own bloody hands, is the centerpiece. Very laid back country here. Highly reccomended for people who love mts, and slow pace of life.

Maryland, and DC are fun to visit, but let someone who lives there drive. Christ, this is where the real New England starts, and the driving is intense. Snuck innto an organic consumers convention and purchased an overpriced book from some communistic union hobos at red emmas book cafe, went to the touristy places in dc in about 3 hours, so I didnt see much, ill have to go back, but only for an anti-war protest or something worth my time there. As my mom ensured me, if i decide to lobby congress about the ad voloreum tax, shes got a list of things i should lobby about in her mind as well.

NYC. Home of immigration, and roughly 9 million egotistical, backstabbing, trendy, poor driving, cracked out, divas. And tourists. which is the only thing ill ever be in nyc. Got my pocket knife confiscated at the ellis island ferry, rode the elevator to the top of the empire state building for free by pretending to be in the military, slept in my car in upper manhattan in 5th st, spent a day in the natural science museum, (everyone should do that) strolled around the metro museum of art, (another everyone should see) go tlost in lower manhattan several times looking for greenwich village, (never really found it) and starved thanks to millions of thrifty homeless people who ramshackled all the trash where i would have gotten some substanance. Visit nyc, but never drive there if you can avoid it. But i do love the subways, there is just something overbarringly romantic about nyc subways. Its my favorite thing about nyc.

Boston rules. There is no way to discribe that place. I want to live in boston, as long as it doesnt get cold, which it does, so i suppose ill never live there. Nothing but scully caps, free food, good looking women, top notch party schools, and dropkick murphies on the radio. Starbucks puts out free food all over boston, the nightlife is amazing, and drivinng was a breeze, (even if it was confusing, it was wayyy better than anywhere else in new england. Yeah i could live in boston.

Ohio. The football stadium in OSU is freaking huge!!! Like seats 100,000 people, and the students cant even get tickets. It was bizzarre, houses are stonewalled. people are fairly republican and close minded, not too informed, and the land is flat, and barron. But its the home of wendeys and there are white castles everywhere. Cleaveland was nice, small, but nice, and lots of parks, and kyackinng teams.

Chicago was a great city, tons of good food, supposidly if youre white you get more perks than if your black, but who knows. The gay district was campy, (over the top), and i hear the museums are awesome, im deffinately going back to chicago. (one of these days)

Philidelphia was big, and confusing, but it had its nitches. Chinatown was warm and welcoming, and i saw a great movie in a park in chinatown, there were tons of murals all over the city, perhaps to keep grafiitti down, but they were great.

Minnesota is different than anywhere i have ever been. Its cold im sure in the winter, but i imagine its nice, summer in minnesota, is full of ticks, which i had never seen before, and was kindof freaked out by, there were bald eagles everywhere, and skunks, and apparently moose. People are nice, and have funny accents, and there are wild christmas trees all over. Duluth is rich, and small, and minneapolis is fair. Its welcoming if you know how to navigate it, but its pretty nutral.

Iowa, nothing but green pastures, and wind farms. If you have never seen a wind farm check out iowa, its breathtaking, literally.

New orleans, ive never seen anything like this place. A mixture between 1950s europe, miami, and 1920s well, honestly, i dont think there is anything like it anywhere on earth. The people are just as friendly as can be, talk real twangy, always say hi, rarely honk at you if you stop on the road, the dumpster diving is good, you drive down one block of million dollar homes, and the next is delapitated ghetto, hurricane s destroyed already failing structures, women as big as semi trucks dance in the streets, there are more beads than leaves in tress well into oct. now where near mardi gras, the music has its own flavor, new orleans funky brass bands rule the night, and everyone loves them. Havent tried the food yet, but i cant wait!


Making Money

Craigslist is a great place to find day labor under the table jobs like moving furniture, or painting a fence. Really any classified ad is a good place to start. There are day labors in every city just about, ask a homeless person where to find one if you are hurting for cash. Sometimes they will feed you in the process. But these are long hard hours, and you dont get paid enough for your hard work.

If you have nothing better to do with your life, cans and bottles will make you money. But while you are at it, pick up every penny you see on the sidewalk, pick up every scratched off lottery ticket and double check it, (sometimes drunk people scratch them off but cant figure out the rules and toss them not realizing they won) pick up cok3 caps, and sell them online, sell scrap metal, sell your time on craigslist, sell your soul on ekbay, sell the world to aliens on a cb radio, there are a million ways to make money, use your head.

There is always street performing. I saw a guy once holding a radio playing music, and lip singing to it, at the line for the Ellis island ferry. He was actually making money! This made me think. Technically you can just ask for money, but why not do something entertaining for it? Like read a book out loud. Since ive seen several street performers, and they all do something anyone can do (for the most part) so i think when i got some free time, ill give it a whirl. Although talking to some of them, in some areas they have to have city permits, otherwise they get slapped with hefty fines. (what kind of bull crap is that?)

my friend vegasjay rented a 70$ gorilla suit, and got tourists to take a picture with the gorilla for 5$ a pop, he banked on that one, and think about the naked cowboy, play guitar naked on roller skates, and people will pay you. Theres a million things you can do for cash.

which brings up another suggestion i heard today. If you can find a willing significant other, and a cheap ring (maybe from a thrift store or something) you can always propose as a scam to get things for free. People love lovers, especially newly weds, so take a knee whenever wherever, even get some resteraunt staff in on it, you might even get better seats at that event you have been wanting to go to.

While were on the subject of scams, you can also purchase (or dive depending) some military camo, then wear it, clean shaven and stroll around and see if you can pray off of peoples patritisim. The other day i really wanted to go to the top of the empire state buildinng, (for the elevator ride) but it was outrageously 18$ per person! At the bottom of the sign it said discount with military id, and free for men and women in uniform. So i went back the next day shaved, and in uniform, no joke i got escorted to the front of a 2 hour line, they didnt even check my id, and escorted directly up and down the buildinng.  When i came down, i even got an elevator all to myself! It was fantastic! So keep that in mind


Probably the most useful places on earth for homeless, besides the library.


You can clean your laundry, fill your water bottles, find an electrical outlet to plug in a computer, or cell phone, take a bird bath, take a dump, charge youre electronics, search for change (from under the machines, and inside the machines as well), collect clothing (from lost and found piles, if not downright take some depending on your morals) Rest for a good few hours as a patron, and not get hassled, meet hot women, and in some cases get on the internet all in the same place.

Chat it up with locals, and get info from them on a number of things, even perhaps a good meal if you play your cards right, and in some movie script cases, a date! Whats not to love about laundromats?


Cops and Law Enforcement

Never ever consider a weary cop a friend. Cops hate homeless people, and I think its due to the nature of their job. Cops are not hired to protect people, their job is to protect private property. Therefore homeless do not own private property, and are scum deamed to be fucked with for this fact. The best thing you can do to an inquisitive cop is approach them first with legit blue collar question. "Can you tell me where the nearist bank is? I need to make a deposit." "Where is the best mechanic shop around?" these type of questions establish you as a worthy citizen of society, and generally the cop will change their mind about you in an instant. Cops are tools. They are not your friend, but dont make them your enemy. If you anger a cop, you are liable to have a miserable time. So kiss their ass, and be polite, then take your frustrations out on a pillow as soon as they leave. Because although you can learn alot of useful street information in jail, you most likely dont want to be in there. If you do find yourself in a situation, ask some professionals on a legal advice forum where both cops and legal consultants waste their time for free such as findlaw.com